Geometric Worm Bottle: Solving Schrödinger’s Equation on It

In this post, I will walk you through the construction of a geometric worm bottle with the intent of solving Schrödinger’s equation on it (both time-independent and time-dependent). Prior knowledge from the following post may be needed: http://thauwa.me/2020/05/24/how-to-evade-intelligence-agencies-in-2020/

A) Acquire funding for the project. Below, we use the example of an NSF grant.

B) Source an appropriate glass bottle using a private company, or by going to 1865 and pleading with creative writers like Lewis Carroll for a bottle. This request should be manageable for someone who could make cake that shrinks Alice in Alice in Wonderland. Please consult the above-mentioned post for guidance on achieving time travel.
WARNING: For the love of conservation of energy, please do not order a Klein bottle if you value your orientability.

C) While waiting for your bottle, source worms from either your local worm patch, or your own bio-waste.
CAUTION: Please engage in passable hygiene practices and sanitize your bare hands semi-frequently. The author of this post will not be held liable for any worm-related catastrophes arising from your negligence.

D) Arrange the worms in your favorite geometric pattern while rolling the bottle over to squish them into place.
If you are not interested in actually solving Schrödinger’s equation and exploited this manual simply for wisdom on designing a worm bottle, now is a good point for you to see step G), or leave this post and check something else out. MAYBE: You shall not pass the laws of physics (don’t mind the Klein bottle).

E) Mount the worm bottle and solve the time-independent Schrödinger’s equation. Please see F) for the time-dependent case.

F) If you wish to solve the time-dependent case, call josh for help and casually ask him to roll the bottle to introduce dynamics. Be grateful!

G) The end.


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