I had the privilege of playing Hamlet in this devised piece guided by Nicholas R.. This experience was one of the most fulfilling in my theater and dance career. It came to me a few weeks after I was left discouraged by UC San Diego’s policy on maximum unit limitations, which kept me from accepting an acting role in the Theater and Dance Department’s rendition of Peer Gynt. One’s gotta love the politics associated with bureaucracy and financial affairs. Especially when those hinder others’ growth the way most education systems tend to do.
To this day, Hamletmachine by Heiner Müller remains a very challenging text to interpret, and naturally ends up as MFA students’ thesis work. The process we undertook was very intense… so intense that the Department would have canceled this production if any faculty supervised any of our later rehearsals. Rehearsals themselves were very demanding, both physically and mentally. So many of the original cast dropped out, along with one of the co-directors.
One of us would have a mental breakdown ever other day.
There was so much beauty in this raw process, however. It makes me wonder how the performing arts would take a twist in today’s age if we took away regulations that are put in place to ensure safety and emotional well-being… It would not be financially sustainable, for sure, but… what of the quality of the art? I am all for ensuring everyone’s safety and well-being (a process of this kind is definitely not for everyone) – but… I still wonder.
The rawness. Vulnerability. Sincerity. Discomfort. Lack of boundaries. Political ideas. Weird manifestations. Reluctance. Pushing. Trauma. Pulling. All these – and more – made this ensemble work very appealing to practice… and an oddly refreshing block of my life so far. It felt beautiful, and I relished in the work.
Anyway, ramblings aside, we had just one performance. We ended up having a larger audience than expected (~40?), given how low-key the production was. We had a rehearsal that was open to a limited audience (~5) the day before, and this was generously photographed by Hannah R.. However, we did not record or photograph anything of our last performance, which had 100s more pounds of flour and bread and featured me with better underwear. The general consensus after our performance is that it was very powerful.
Yes, some of my friends who saw the show totally missed the underlying themes and story and were mortified seeing me this way. They even confessed to thinking that this was about a show that was put together after a couple of days of rehearsing, to destigmatize weird orgies. We rehearsed for many weeks. xD.
Yes, the image in the header of this website was from the photographed rehearsal.
Yes, this show left me with several scratches, scabs and bruises… and flour in my lungs and hairs that took several hours to leave me.
Yes, I would immerse myself in a similar process again if I had the chance to.
Cast: Cassandra G. Heejung S. Maude B., Yours T.
Creative Team: Nicholas R. (Director), Samy O. (Assistant Director), Chris F. (Scenic & Costume Designer), Mextly A. (Lighting Designer), Jackie M. (Sound Designer), Jacob H. W. (Production Stage Manager).
Venue and Time: Dance Studio 3 in Molli and Arthur Wagner Dance Building, at 9:00 PM.
